If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he’d shoot Nina twice

If you wake up in the morning, it’s because Jack Bauer spared your life.

Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists.

Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

Jack Bauer doesn’t miss. If he didn’t hit you it’s because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.

Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.

Killing Jack Bauer doesn’t make him dead. It just makes him angry.

Jack Bauer’s favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.

You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.

When Google can’t find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.

In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What have you done with your life?

Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he’s done it twice.

When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.

Jack Bauer can get McDonald’s breakfast after 10:30.

Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.

In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.

If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.

It would only take 1 bullet for Jack Bauer to kill 50 Cent.

Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.

If O.J. ever met Jack Bauer, he’d confess.

Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he’s knocked out or temporarily killed.

The bumper sticker on Jesus’s car reads, “WWJBD?”

Jack Bauer makes onions cry.